Good Things

I've been buried under university work, 'work' work, and general running about since the beginning of this year, so I felt it was time I showed my little blog some love with an update on things I currently really, really like.

I ordered this AllSaints 'Hoxie' leather skirt from the Manchester Selfridges the other day when I found out it was the last day of the sale. For some reason I felt I could justify owning a third leather skirt. It arrived just yesterday and it's already one of my favourite things as it's so pouf-y. The AllSaints sale has been really good to me this year.

I've had a mental makeover with regards to shopping and I'm investing in quality things more and more. This Eastpak backpack was really expensive, but I've been using it for uni and staying at Barry's (he convinced me to get it as he is a sartorial enabler ... I love/hate this). Finding a stylish and practical backpack is really difficult – the little leather/PVC ones from Topshop are cute as all hell but I didn't think they'd hold all my textbooks, notes and novels. This is one of the most expensive purchases I've made so happily I'm not regretting it one bit!

I just used OPI's classic 'Big Apple Red' last night and it's already in my favourites alongside 'Siberian Nights', 'Suzy Skis in the Pyrenees', and 'Lady in Black' (my ultimate favourite is the limited edition 'Unripened' shade from the Hallowe'en collection, but I broke my mini bottle so I got the dupe at Sinful Colors called 'What's Your Name?').

Finally, I picked up these little vintage-inspired 'Freckles' shoes from Office with a gift card my friend gave me for Christmas (I had originally ordered these but I felt the little heels were more 'me'). They remind me of the evening shoes Victorian women wore, and since that era is my absolute favourite I couldn't resist them! Hopefully the rain holds off so that I can get some wear out of them soon. I would adore a pair of lace-up Victorian boots but I'm finding it hard to source a leather pair that look old-fashioned enough.

It's nice to witter on about clothes and stuff. I must do it more often. :)

For sale: Jeffrey Campbell Busted wedges!

Hello!

I figured I'd post this on here in an effort to get a few more watchers on eBay. I'm selling a pair of the oh-so-fine Jeffrey Campbell Busted boots as a US seller advised me to buy the wrong size and I stupidly thought I could just wear a 7 instead of a 6 and everything would be all right. Sigh. Luckily for you size sevens out there, I have a pair of brand new JC creeper-inspired lovelies for sale on eBay! I just want to make my money back on them really, so hopefully one of you will fall as much in love as I did.

Aren't they awesome? You can find the listing here.

I will do some sartorial updates in the near future – I've picked up some lovely things lately, including a cardigan with dancing skeletons on it, and a dominatrix belt. I probably scare my boyfriend way too much.

2011 Sale Picks

On a (refreshingly) lighter note, the sales have started and I've done all my shopping online. Here are this year's much-deliberated purchases.

I hope you all had the merriest of Christmases. xxx

A Score

Yesterday, I turned twenty years old.

I haven't felt like a 'teenager' since I moved to London when I was seventeen, so I'm really quite glad to be able to say "I'm in my twenties". It's nice. I'm now in the same age bracket as the majority of my friends.

After having a birthday lunch in Glasgow, we went to visit my grandfather in hospital. He was awake and trying to speak, but all the drugs he's been given (mixed with the fact that he is a 76-year-old man with a weak heart undergoing dialysis) meant he could barely get his words together. It was horrible to see, though unsurprising given the ordeal his body is going through. I managed to hold it together, but I am so worried about him.

After we had dropped my gran at home, I found out a friend of mine had been hit by a car and killed. I won't go into detail as it really is tragic and deeply upsetting, but all of my love goes out to his family and our mutual friends.

I spent the rest of my birthday with a heavy heart, but I was surrounded by my loved ones which helped immeasurably. It was a strange and sad day.

See No Evil

(Topshop, Butler and Wilson)

Lately I've been picking up jewellery featuring eyes and hands. It's cool how these pieces manage to hark at the 1920's and feel really fresh at the same time ... kind of like long hemlines, only much easier to incorporate as you leave the house. The eyes always remind me of the original artwork for The Great Gatsby (which has been printed on a T-shirt I fully intend to purchase).

It's too cold outside for angels to fly.

(Aldo Roder wedge, Thomas Sabo Wolpertinger pendant, Office Noble and Minky Linky boots, Topshop blouse, AllSaints Damisi Hair boot, Topshop cardigan)

Recent acquisitions/Birthday and Christmas wishlist. Can't decide between the ponyskin and black leather in the AllSaints boots, but I'm sure it'll come to me in a dream.

ETA: Sadly, the Aldo wedges put my foot at a really uncomfortable angle, so I went for the Jeffrey Campbell 'Busted' boot instead. I'd say that metal-cuffed tassels for double-buckled joy is a fair swap.

Happenstance

Okay, I'll be honest: the recent dearth of blog posts has been purely because I haven't really had the time or inclination to write anything. Lately I've been having 'off-days', where I find it really hard to muster enthusiasm for the things I used to enjoy, and blogging has definitely suffered as a result. I apologise, little blog. Here's the scoop:

My grandfather has been very ill recently, and was taken into hospital around three or four weeks ago (it's hard to remember – the past few months have been blurry at best). This has of course been really difficult for my mum and I, as I spent a lot of time with my gran and papa as a child and thus they're more like second and third parents to me. It turns out he has been suffering from renal failure, caused by hardening of the arteries which has plagued him throughout his life – he's had a triple bypass and aneurysm surgery, you see – and the doctors are reluctant to administer many more drugs as he already takes an alarming amount of tablets every day. However, he got to go back home yesterday and social services have put various arrangements in place so that he and my grandmother can go on living comfortably. I'm going to be staying with them tomorrow for a week or so, to help them both settle back in.

University is going a little bit better, although I have already dropped a class. I was really struggling in my French class and the French tutors refused to let me move down to the beginners' class, a decision which I felt was highly unfair. Their reason for this was that it would be unfair on those in the class who were "actually beginners", but I fail to see how this can be valid when they allow native French speakers to study amongst people who got their Higher three years ago. Unfortunately, I am going to have to take four modules next term as opposed to three, but right now I feel so much better about things and my two English subjects aren't suffering any more. I have to admit that I'm still not feeling a real passion for my studies, but I am really enjoying English language as a subject. We'll see how next term goes.

I've been finding it difficult to be positive lately, but a few good things have been happening. I've booked my driving test for next month and I finally feel ready for it. I bought myself a decidedly awesome plaid coat in T.K. Maxx (for just £40, too). And of course, Starbucks and Costa have their tasty Christmas coffees out now. I recommend the peppermint hot chocolates and praline flavouring in anything you desire.

I really hope things start to pick up soon. I feel like I deserve it.

Trying not to wonder where you are.

I have just finished my second week at university and I don't know if I'm enjoying it or not. Of course, I have only been there two weeks so uncertainty is to be expected, but really I'm only there because I'm too scared not to be. This is particularly galling knowledge and it's all I've really been thinking about lately.

Someone told me the other day that I'm going to end up "one of those people who's been to university three times and doesn't have any qualifications". It wasn't the most pleasant thing to hear, but the more I think about it, the more I am all right with it. If things don't work out this time, I tried. I gave it a chance. It's not my fault that circumstances meant I couldn't continue on the course I loved; perhaps I'm just not cut out for university.

I like to think that I am academically capable: I can write essays and pass things. What really bothers me is that I'm going to be there for two to four years, working towards a qualification that I don't really need. I feel like I'd much rather be in a full-time job, earning money and trying to get into publishing, than putting constant work into a diploma or degree that will be forgotten about as soon as I graduate.

I am terrified of making mistakes. I am overly cautious in essentially every aspect of my life: I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm scared of being upset, and I'm scared of regretting things. But being scared is not a good reason for going to university.

The funny thing is, I'm saying all this and yet I might have to drop out anyway, as my funding still hasn't been confirmed and I can't get through to SAAS - when you phone them, you get an automated message that hangs up on you, and when you e-mail them, they don't respond. Useful.

I feel like a bit of a failure right now.

In Between

I had my first poetry lecture today, as part of English Literature, and in it my lecturer said something that I rather enjoyed:

"You never know what you think until you write it down."

This, I think, sums up why so many people love to write: it allows one to explore one's own mind. When you present a thought to someone – whether a lecturer, friend, parent, employer, or indeed anyone who will listen – you are opening it to analysis, debate, and criticism. It's a good thing. And, when you write a one-hundred-and-forty-characters-or-less opinion, share your views on a forum, or write an essay on a subject, you start to analyse yourself. You wonder how you got to this view; why do you feel this way? What has influenced you? It's really rather an effective way of getting to know yourself.

However, I like to do things slightly differently. I keep a little, secret blog that no one knows about (well, until now) that's completely private and unreadable, and every few months, or merely however often I'm feeling strongly about something, I will sit down at my computer and clatter out a thought. It's often trivial, seldom succinct, but always passionate; I find I feel much better afterwards, knowing that my feelings are in some way out there.

I doubt I will ever allow another set of eyes to skim the pages of garbled, melancholy paragraphs, but I'll keep writing them. I strongly suggest you give it a try.

Blank Page

Tomorrow is my first official day at university, where I will hopefully learn things and forge a social life. I have already managed to get myself unspeakably lost several times, as the campus is large and I am fairly small and uncoordinated – am I the only person who feels like that word looks misspelt? – but I remain optimistic.

My first lecture is a French one, for non-beginners, and I am quite nervous about it. This is partially due to my having done Higher French three years ago, but mostly because the person I happened to sit next to was, well, French. The subjunctive seems to be beyond my comprehension so I won't be surprised if I am swiftly moved to the beginners' class. J'ai oublié la plupart de mon français.

Straight after that, I have an English Literature lecture. We have four of these per week. I am once again apprehensive as I haven't read many 'classics' but "Emma" is on the reading list, so I can remedy that at least. I'm looking forward to doing some close reading again.

A few hours later I'll be in an English Language lecture, which is my main degree subject. I had an awkward moment in the campus book shop when a young man disdainfully asked me if I had been "forced to take English Language as well", and English Literature students have to take it in order to earn a literary degree. There is a good possibility that I am the only person who actually opted for the course. Alas. I get to learn Old English grammar.

It sounds like I shall have quite the exciting day tomorrow. Currently I am a festering incubus of disease, but I remain in hope that my head cold will clear up by this evening. I must get all my stationery sorted out (it is from a Japanese stationery shop called "Artbox" and it is adorable) and perhaps formulate an outfit that will withstand our apocalyptic weather conditions.

Wish me luck.

Loitering

I've been playing this for the last few days and am currently getting destroyed by some bitch named Tiamat. I'm not a huge fan of fantasy games, but I chose 'Normal' as I figured I could handle it, and am struggling as a result. There's no option for me to wimp out and revert to 'Easy' in the menu, so I'm going to have to live with it for now. Being stuck at a boss is one of the worst things ever as there is nothing you can really do except repeatedly die until you get it right, or give up. Thankfully, I have someone playing along with me to help me out as I really am a bit useless at times.

Last night, I realised that I get way too 'into' games. I have a weird stress-related habit of clenching my teeth throughout the day, and it intensifies as soon as I have a controller in my hand. I also stare really, really hard at the screen and concentrate to the point of headaches. I think they call that "freakish". I definitely need to chill out more.

On a much more pleasant note, I got some new shoes today (dark green velvet boots, and some leather and leopard print ponyskin heels - both perfection) and they have made me feel better -- but I'm still pissed off at this bat queen so I'm off to try and slay her. ¬_¬

Jar of Hearts

A few of my favourite things all hanging out together. The Butler & Wilson skeleton necklace is one of those pieces that I can't believe I own and I'm actually a little bit scared to wear it.

Tonight I'm staying in as I don't have any money to go out with, no form of transport to get home in, and no desire to wake up at 7 o' clock tomorrow morning with anything less than eight hours' sleep behind me. It's a shame really as it is a rare occasion that I actually have a party to go to - I've been a bit of a recluse since moving back in January as leaving a place for a year and a half means not having many friends when you return. Hopefully university, wages and a full driver's licence will remedy this somewhat.

Right now I'm a weird position whereby I'm waiting for a new start to hurry up and arrive. It feels like I'm in my little yellow car and there's a massive ticket barrier in front of me, or something more poetic. This is my third time around. I hope it's lucky.

Currently Reading...

I have two new favourite blogs.

The first one is "James Ward: I Like Boring Things" and it appeals to me because it came up when I was searching Google for pen reviews. He makes me laugh.

The second is called "Little Ericaceae" and I can't pronounce it but nevertheless adore the taste of its author, probably as it reminds me of my own. She fills me with fashion lust.

You should go and read them if you too like boring things, and flyyy bitches wearing nice clothing. Meanwhile, I'm off to tidy my room and do my Jillian Michaels DVD as I tried on cigarette trousers today and I looked bovine-esque.

The Summer of Dance

I just had a radio advert tell me that this summer is "all about dance". I am not particularly interested in or good at dancing, and have little desire to be, but in the same advert a young man said that when he is "street dancing, nothing is impossible". This sparked my interest slightly. I would really like to be able to teleport, as it would save me a lot of money. It would also eradicate the inconvenience of forgetting things such as my student card, and I would almost never be late for things. It's a shame I didn't know that this was to be the summer of dance back in May, as perhaps I would be teleporting by now.

Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves.

I wanted to share my ultimate, unadulterated, need-never-shop-again Jeffrey Campbell wish list as I've been clicking around the internet looking for a new pair of brothel creepers, and obviously procrastinated. I think that if I owned all of these shoes I would spend at least one day per week sitting amongst them and cackling. I am fully aware that I've included not one, but four different interpretations of the Tardy boot, but when your eBay account is set to e-mail you whenever a new listing matching 'Chloé Doc' is up, you tend to get a bit over-excited at the prospect of replicas.

Oh Yeah

Hello! ^_^

Well, someone had one of the best holidays EVER. I can honestly say that I'm mad diggin' on my boyfriend even more now that we've found out we can spend a fortnight together without getting sick of each other. Speaking in a "scary story voice" for three days (with worryingly little break from it) helps. Saw several lovely places, picked up some cool things, rediscovered my love for ice cream sandwiches and cheesecake, and just had a brilliant time doing everything and nothing.

A lot of awesome things have happened lately, including me FINALLY GETTING A JOB. So unbelievably relieved. I've also picked my modules for starting university in September, and am on track to getting my tuition fees funded - despite never having paid them before, SAAS have made me jump through hoops since May. Thankfully, I think I have one more letter to send and then everything should be in place. Oh, and my phone now has bunny ears. That in itself is exciting.

I am feeling positive for the first time in ages and it's really quite nice.

He'll probably outlive me; he's a smart bird.

I'm an eBay girl at heart, but when my hopeful search for a couple of Clover web/slave bracelet knock-offs proved totally devoid of silver options, I turned (tentatively) to Etsy. After a few minutes of thoroughly intrigued clicking, I've fallen in love with dozens of stores, and pieces I can't really believe people have made by hand. Here are some of my favourites that I would gladly adorn my body and/or walls with...

Adorapop



Beat Up Creations


Heron Adornment


Jesophi


Midwest Alchemy


Persephone Plus


Victorian Lowbrow

The Little Things

After yesterday's more substantial and quasi-meaningful post, I wanted to do something a bit lighter that verges on inane. You know I love my lists.

• I'm currently wearing a t-shirt dress I was absent-mindedly planning to sell on eBay before realising it looked much better with tights than with jeans. I consider this a small victory.

• My interview at Jaeger went insanely well and I'll hear by Friday whether or not I have the job. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as the last time a manager hinted that I'd been successful, I was unceremoniously turned down with a mail merge e-mail. Please, please, please let this be it.

• I got the last of my holiday alterations done today and I'm stupidly excited that I can wear my long, smoke print dress again.

• My boyfriend is doing stand-up tomorrow night, and it'll be the first time I've seen him do it live. All kinds of nervous and excited for him. :)

• I undercharged a Canadian eBay customer of mine £5 on postage and I am kicking myself.

• I just peeled off a whole nail's worth of polish in one sheet and am simultaneously imressed with and annoyed at myself.

• My driving instructor has been on holiday for the last few weeks but I've been driving my mum everywhere, and feel more confident than ever behind the wheel.

• I'm loving these bullet points.
  

• We're leaving soon and I can't wait to forget about all the bad things for two blissful weeks.

• My mum bought chocolate soymilk from the Chinese supermarket and I am obsessed with both the packaging, and the product.

Collective Catastrophe

I'm not normally one to share my views on any major news topic readily, especially via this blog where I barely know most of those who will be reading it. This is probably due to a combination of a lack of confidence in my own writing abilities to properly articulate how I feel, and the indisputable fact that any opinion will offend someone. However, it's been a rather tragic week and I feel like I need to say something about it.

Firstly, I really can't stand hearing all these swathes of people say they believe that because Amy Winehouse had a drug problem, her death shouldn't be in any way mourned as a loss. I will readily admit that I was never a huge fan of her music – purely as I listen to mostly alternative and rock – but I along with almost everyone I know have always said that she was a talented but troubled young woman. We all hoped she would get better. The abrupt ending of any young life is tragic and should be treated as such. How can anyone argue with that?

Then of course, there are those who say that no one should care about Amy Winehouse's death as the tragedy in Oslo is much more important. Whilst it must be admitted that those horrible events affected people on a much larger scale, it is possible to empathise with two things at once. My words are quite useless when it comes to describing the exact level of tragedy the people of Norway are dealing with. As The Independent put it:

"The loss of 93 people is a tragedy wherever it happens. But in a country of just 4.9 million, it is a collective catastrophe."

My heart goes out to the people of Norway and all those affected by what can only be described as a massacre, as well as the family and friends of Amy Winehouse. The past week has been a sad one indeed, and I'm not about to let anyone berate me for my condolences.

Friday Dreaming

Looking through the Topshop website when you have a small wad of saved-up holiday money probably isn't a good idea. Thankfully I have the willpower (and sense) to make Polyvore collages instead of purchases. In love with that 3.1 Phillip Lim jacket replica, the scallop-edged ponyskin boots (in two colourways), the snaffle boots that make me giggle at the word "snaffle", and those stunning navy blue wedges that will be mine, somehow. Why is it so hard to choose between leopard and zebra prints?

I'm a bit obsessed with ponyskin at the moment, after learning that it is not in fact made of ponies, and my collection currently sits at two satchels, a change purse, an evening jacket and two pairs of mid-heeled stilettos. Excessive? Yes, but so worth it.

My Jaeger interview is in a couple of hours, so please send lucky vibes my way! :)

ETA: The navy beauties are out of stock in my size, and only 100 pairs were made. :'(

Jaeger

In a couple of weeks I have a job interview for Jaeger. My mum – who is now a tailor – learnt to sew in their factory when she was my age, making sample garments, so we both have quite a strong emotional connection to the brand. Every season they bring out timeless and beautiful pieces with luxurious twists and perfect detailing, and when a customer hands a Jaeger garment into the alteration tailor's, we lust over it. They're a real bastion of British fashion and I'm very excited about the chance to become part of their team.

On the phone I was told that their boutique range, which is slightly more fashion-forward and aimed at younger consumers, is coming to Glasgow. I keep up to date with the new collections, but thought I'd have a look at their Autumn/Winter preview to see what garments I would be working with if I got the job. As always the garments were beautiful, so here are my favourites that are currently available on the website - note the grungey mohair jumper, perfect grey blazer, and the best women's tuxedo I've seen in ages.

One, Two, Three

1. I recently bought this Topshop Day of the Dead dress on eBay. I've wanted it since it came out for S/S 2009 and I am very pleased with myself. There are teeny skulls on it!

2. I have become obsessed with Big Wardrobe. It is a clothes swapping website, and I've already arranged some great trades. Everyone is absolutely lovely on there! I suggest you join if you have a lot of unworn clothes but don't fancy selling them on eBay for a couple of pounds each (and if you decide to upgrade your membership, tell them 'harlar' sent you so I get vouchers!). ;)

3. I will shortly be holidaying and I am SO EXCITED I MAY BURST.

Come Winter

This morning I was using the Topshop website to guage the speed of my lacklustre rural internet. Normally it’s a URL I try my best to avoid as it gives me lusty wrong feelings, but it has lots of pictures - and my broadband has taken it upon itself to cease functioning and flash its pesky little lights at me - so I thought it would be a good indicator. It managed to load the page, shortly before dying on me again (my mum is currently on the phone to AOL’s retention department) and I was greeted with the annually much anticipated Autumn/Winter preview.

I haven’t even been on holiday yet.

Still, despite feeling like it has come much earlier than usual, I am a bit besotted with this in the way I always am with Topshop's cold weather clothing. I only just managed to wear a summer dress with bare legs the other day, and now I'm fantasising about a squirrel jumper. And tights. Oh, and if Topshop are bringing brothel creepers back, I am totally giving my white ones new neighbours.

Come sail away with me.

I feel so summery today, which is weird as I am normally a summertime Scrooge (I think it's because I was born in December). I am wearing rolled-up jeans! Counting down the days until my wonderful and long-awaited holiday, and dreaming of tiny dresses and poolside milkshakes with the most amazing boyfriend in the world.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

I got rejected from that Topshop job today, which was horrible as I thought I did really well in the interview. I was so frustrated and disappointed that I cried; I'm really beginning to doubt I'll ever find another job. :( Luckily my boyfriend was just a phone-call away and he comforted me by detailing the torturous mind games he is currently subjecting his Sims to.

I have been quite sad lately, and don't feel much like myself. I'm getting really bad mood swings and seem to be irritated eighty-five per cent of the time. I think it's the toxic cocktail of everything I've had to deal with since last April coming back on me – like acid reflux, only mental and worse.