I have just finished my second week at university and I don't know if I'm enjoying it or not. Of course, I have only been there two weeks so uncertainty is to be expected, but really I'm only there because I'm too scared not to be. This is particularly galling knowledge and it's all I've really been thinking about lately.
Someone told me the other day that I'm going to end up "one of those people who's been to university three times and doesn't have any qualifications". It wasn't the most pleasant thing to hear, but the more I think about it, the more I am all right with it. If things don't work out this time, I tried. I gave it a chance. It's not my fault that circumstances meant I couldn't continue on the course I loved; perhaps I'm just not cut out for university.
I like to think that I am academically capable: I can write essays and pass things. What really bothers me is that I'm going to be there for two to four years, working towards a qualification that I don't really need. I feel like I'd much rather be in a full-time job, earning money and trying to get into publishing, than putting constant work into a diploma or degree that will be forgotten about as soon as I graduate.
I am terrified of making mistakes. I am overly cautious in essentially every aspect of my life: I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm scared of being upset, and I'm scared of regretting things. But being scared is not a good reason for going to university.
The funny thing is, I'm saying all this and yet I might have to drop out anyway, as my funding still hasn't been confirmed and I can't get through to SAAS - when you phone them, you get an automated message that hangs up on you, and when you e-mail them, they don't respond. Useful.
I feel like a bit of a failure right now.
Someone told me the other day that I'm going to end up "one of those people who's been to university three times and doesn't have any qualifications". It wasn't the most pleasant thing to hear, but the more I think about it, the more I am all right with it. If things don't work out this time, I tried. I gave it a chance. It's not my fault that circumstances meant I couldn't continue on the course I loved; perhaps I'm just not cut out for university.
I like to think that I am academically capable: I can write essays and pass things. What really bothers me is that I'm going to be there for two to four years, working towards a qualification that I don't really need. I feel like I'd much rather be in a full-time job, earning money and trying to get into publishing, than putting constant work into a diploma or degree that will be forgotten about as soon as I graduate.
I am terrified of making mistakes. I am overly cautious in essentially every aspect of my life: I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm scared of being upset, and I'm scared of regretting things. But being scared is not a good reason for going to university.
The funny thing is, I'm saying all this and yet I might have to drop out anyway, as my funding still hasn't been confirmed and I can't get through to SAAS - when you phone them, you get an automated message that hangs up on you, and when you e-mail them, they don't respond. Useful.
I feel like a bit of a failure right now.
1 comments:
Don't drop out Harley, stick with it xx
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